I Still Dream of People That Don’t Dream of Me

Quick Notes On Coming Back To Reality

I woke up this morning upset. Not the type where I wanted to cry, but there was a slight hopelessness that my day started with. Just because I dreamt of a girl who I spent my nights with 2 years ago today.

I didn’t dream of a relationship. I haven’t dreamt of us in a relationship since I was trying to get over the fact we weren’t in a relationship. She was simply there. We weren’t anywhere I remember, and if anything we weren’t even interacting but it was, somehow, the main focus of my consciousness. At the end of the dream I finally spoke to her; we smiled at each other, and we agreed we should have a catch up soon, and, in this, I find solace.

To be honest, I think this is symbolic of the fact I’m over her. I miss her because I will always miss her, but I do not long for her. I know I spent a long time doing that.

So why do I dream of her? Why do I dream of old friends, of past relationships or talking stages, of people I barely know but wish to know better?

I like to think it’s because I experienced them as we drifted into each other, and they experienced me - sometimes with the both of us in an actively vulnerable space - and because of that we will never truly be gone from each other, even if maybe I disappear from their lives, from their memories, and they disappear from mine… Maybe, maybe I’ll see them in a dream. It’s possible, too, that my mind isn’t quite done experiencing them, even if we will never meet again.

So I will go to bed tonight, probably way too late for what my body is needing, and I will hope to dream. And I’ll hope to see someone there, whether someone from my past or someone I love now, meaning I get to experience them. I may wake up sad, but it’s worth the experience. Maybe I will see someone I didn’t even have in mind when I wrote this piece.